COMIC: Listening

Perhaps this comic was only written because of my personal experiences (or perhaps, grievances?) as of late. However, I think many of you will agree with me that the ability to genuinely listen and understand another person is a great virtue. We are asked to treat others as we would like to be treated (Luke 6:31), and God knows that the vast majority of human beings love to be listened to and understood. If we don't take the time to understand somebody, how can we effectively help them, and take it one step further, love them as we would love ourselves?

I only realized how much of a talker I am over these past 2 years or so. The only way I realized this was when I experienced that deep longing for someone to listen to my struggles and understand me. I started seeing just how much I loved to talk... and talk... and talk... Yet I realized that I never took the time to listen to those around me. I tried to help them with my limited wisdom, but I realized that I won't even have a chance to be a real help until I shut my mouth and listened to them. Of course, as many of us all know, some people are not looking for your advice or opinions, or counsel. They are simply looking for your sympathy and your attention, and for a certain amount of time, that is totally fair.

Here are a few exhibits from my personal experience that may shed some light on how much of a game-changer a good listener can be.

Exhibit 1:

I have a few friends (whom I love very much), but they simply will not (and I'm guessing this is just who they are) stop talking about themselves. Every time we would have a conversation and I share something a little personal (like a struggle), and immediately they turn the whole thing about themselves (and don't get me wrong, I am convinced that they mean no harm, but well-meaning people can still do unintentional harm). It's extremely exhausting for someone like me who doesn't like to tell people what to do to their faces. So I must go along with it and start ministering to them and my own needs are totally disregarded. Look, when someone is at their rock bottom and they encounter this type of interaction, it doesn't take much for them to snap. I was appalled by this a couple weeks back. One of my friends was telling us how he feels so stressed and trapped by certain circumstances in his life (and trust me, it SUCKS). I was trying my best to listen and asking helpful questions. But the second he finished, another friend immediately jumped in and started complaining and ranting about something in his own life (a way smaller thing, might I add). No sympathy for the previous friend whatsoever. I was almost as if this was just a game where people took turns talking. I felt sick to my stomach.

Exhibit 2:

One time, a brother asked me if I had any prayer requests, and so I told him about a struggle I have been having lately. I really appreciate it when people ask how they can pray for me, but it gets very hard to be appreciative when this happens: The brother, upon hearing my prayer request (which was very short, mind you), essentially gave me an entire sermon on that particular struggle. He told me what mindset I needed to have, what promises of God I needed to keep in mind, and much more. I'm all for good godly advice/counsel, but to overwhelm someone with your unsolicited advice (especially when it's the length of an essay), in most circumstances, is not helpful. Please don't get me wrong, I know for a fact that brother had nothing but my best interest at heart. I did not feel helped that day. I did not feel understood. Rather, I just felt like someone flexed their theological knowledge/vocabulary at me. Additionally, a lot of his advice did not apply to me, had he taken the time to understand my situation more, he would have known what I most needed to hear.

Exhibit 3:

I have a very good friend who is an excellent listener. He would always ask me leading questions in order to better understand my situation. He would allow me to fully explain myself so that he can see as full of a picture as possible. After that, he will proceed to give me biblical counsel, and on top of that, he will ask me what I think about the things he has said. This is an excellent example of being quick to listen and slow to speak. I felt understood, cared for, and comforted.

If you're anything like me, you love to make things revolve around yourself. And this will affect your ability to listen. People love to be heard but to hear, that is a different ordeal, a more difficult one. Jesus commands His followers to daily die to themselves. In our everyday interactions, there are small things that we can "die" to. One such thing is the temptation to always be the one talking. Another is our unwillingness to just sit and listen with someone else's best interests at heart.

It may seem small and silly (and good ol' Danny is just being super sensitive again). But no! Take a look at our world today. Civil conversations where both parties are genuinely listening to each other is a rarity. Discourse has become nothing more than people screaming past each other and words going in one ear and coming out the other. If we want our ideas to be heard, it can't be a one-way street. I ask you, then, how can you expect someone who disagrees with you to listen to your ideals, when you yourself struggles to listen even those who are close to you?

Jesus did not just listen, He understood, in face, Jesus was able to understand us on a whole other level than just listening. Jesus, being God, took on human flesh, and shared our collective EXPERIENCES. Happiness, grief, betrayal, fear, anger, pain, even death. Jesus experienced it all alongside us. And then He died for us. Like, that's some pretty hardcore self-sacrificing love. If Jesus is willing to go that far, then you and I have no excuse. We are not able to fully experience someone's struggles, but we can take the time to listen and try our bets to understand.