Episode 1
A few disclaimers: This comic does not represent my reality. In reality, I know I have family and friends who do care about me. I am not “overworked” as the comic might suggest. This comic is, instead, a representation of the emotional thoughts that I struggle with and the lies that the flesh tells me. It’s a self-pitying, false reality, but a struggle nonetheless.
I wrote this comic during an emotional time. I waited a while to calm down and put things into perspective, and I still think it’s good to post. Even though these are just my mental struggles, I know that for many, this really is their reality. If that’s you, this comic is for you.
You do all you can for others, you work hard, and you try your best to be obedient to the Lord. But at the end of the day, it still seems like you have nothing. No one to fall back on. No one to check in on you. Yes, you have God, but you can’t see Him with your eyes, touch Him with your hands, or hear Him with your ears. It just feels like your existence is not appreciated, like the only reason people keep you around is for you to do stuff for them. Maybe it even feels like no one would really care if you just, disappeared forever.
I offer my prayers to those who feel this way. In a broken world such as ours, it's inevitable that some feel this way. I’m sorry, I have no magic words to make things better but take heart, it won’t be like this forever. God sees and hears you, even if it doesn’t feel like it. He’s building your character, the right thing to do is to remain faithful. But even if you fail, He won’t leave you.
To the rest of us, let us remember to be conscious of those around us who feel like they are not loved. Take an interest in those who are lonely. Perhaps to you, their struggles may seem silly, but never ever disregard someone’s struggles. Be a good neighbor, a good friend, a good brother or sister. We simply can’t face these struggles on our own. Check in on your friends often, maybe they’re going through life, half dead, but you just don’t know.
Episode 2
Remember, this comic does not represent reality. I would never expose my rage at someone like that. But one thing that I am absolutely guilty of is raging at God. Even to the point of accusations and insult. I am not proud of this in the slightest, and it’s been a while since that rage, but I still hold a lot of regrets. Even if it all happened internally.
What’s the lesson here? Look, the Danny in this story (if you remember from part 1) did not have his needs met. He felt neglected, uncared for, and unloved. It’s normal for him to have an emotional buildup. But once he let it become rage, then he has given the forces of evil the upper hand.
Ephesians 4:26-27 says it really well. “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
“All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.”
Ephesians 4:31
What right do we have to sin against God when things don’t go our way? Yes, even when things are tremendously difficult, we still have no right to do evil. God never owed us anything, to begin with, in fact, we were all against Him (Colossians 1:21), we were all His enemies, so if He would in all fairness give us anything, it’ll be our just deserts (Romans 1:18).
Of course, we know He didn’t immediately give us that though He had every right, instead, He offered us reconciliation and adoption into His family (Romans 5:10).
This comic is my most intense yet, because the emotions I felt during my rage against God were indeed the most intense. It was real wrath on my part, there was nothing good about it. Was I hurt? Yes. Did I need help? Yes. Yet my entitlement to “feeling good and happy” or “getting what I think I deserve” was absolutely unwarranted. Who am I to tell God what to do? How dare I? Yet He still offers me His greatest blessings. What a God He is, what a wretch am I. Thank you Jesus for loving an ungrateful idiot like me.
The story is not over… stay tuned to see what happens next…
Episode 3
This particular episode of my ongoing mini-series is the most personal to me. So I’ll give a rather personal message here, not with the goals of lifting myself up or getting anyone to feel bad for me, but with the hopes that you may be encouraged and reminded of God’s truth.
Emotions are absolutely real, but our responses to emotions are oftentimes unwarranted and irrational, and we feel a bit dumb after we calm down and take a step back to look at the big picture. Well, in my case, the big picture was too big for me to comprehend. God had to do the job for me.
I was stuck in a loop of feeling sorry for myself and letting that destroy me mentally (as seen in the last episode). But I failed to realize just how stupid I was for feeling so entitled. Sure maybe I was the victim in some situations, but does that matter in the grand scheme of things? While I was moping about my silly circumstance, Christians around the world were suffering persecution for their faith. They had to worry about their very survival while I was defeated by feeling “under-appreciated”.
The news from Ukraine hit me like a bullet. What was I doing? The world moves on whether I get the attention I want or not. There is work to be done, souls to be rescued, how dare I think I had the right to throw a tantrum like a big baby? The only thing that will matter in the end is what I did for Christ, and trust me, He has done more than I deserve for me.
At that moment of realization, the world stopped revolving around me, it never did, it was an illusion, a lie I trusted in. No, I am but a tiny atom when compared to the universe. And all of that, God holds in His hand. I am but His servant (and I don’t even deserve that position). He has granted me so much, and I’m doing so little with it. How weak, how pathetic. Yet He promises that He will complete the work that He has started in me. Hallelujah, what a savior! What a privilege to serve Him!
Finale
We have come to the end of our mini-series. This series truly came from my heart. I pray that it will benefit you.
Overall, I have been very disappointed with myself over these past months. This comic illustrates my difficulties and my response to them. I failed. Time and time again I failed to do the right thing, which is to continue to love God and my neighbors through all of my ups and downs. These experiences have helped me realize that I am far more of a narcissist than I have ever pictured myself to be. Thus is my fallen nature as a sinful man.
Of course, the most important aspect of any of my life experiences is how the Lord Jesus plays a role in it all. Without Him, I would have never seen any of these flaws in myself that were hurting both me and others. Without His wisdom and guidance, I would continue down a path of self-destruction. Without His intervention, I may not even be making this comic for you all today. Of course, without His blood shed on the cross, I will not even have a future of hope, but rather, a future of darkness, forever and ever. Did you notice that I never lost my headband in this comic? That headband symbolizes salvation.
I look at the great people of faith in the Bible like Paul and Peter, and also those in history like Spurgeon and Wesley. I realize that none of them accomplished anything on their own. All of them were radically changed when the Lord Jesus intervened in their lives. I yearn for the same. I wish for the Lord to set a fire within my soul that burns only for Him. Yet I fall short still. Perhaps the time has not come.
Let me leave you with this encouraging verse, if you feel the same way as me today, know that He is faithful with His promises.
“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will do it.”
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
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